It was a problem with my self n' my way, n' my choise. When I was younger than nowdays, I didn't brave enough to face my problem. So, what I did was runaway from these. I ws too worry to overcome my problem n' followed my egoism to go away. And I regret these. When I have a problem in that time, I never thought that there was a person who felt my problem also. And I should take care of this person. I choose my egoism to leave my home for so long in order to avoid those. I leave my home n' I also leave this person. I leave her alone to face n' solve her problem. I let her tired, cause I was too afraid of expectation. I never thought about her, and how was her condition. I didn't ever think that she needed me.
Now, when I realize about her, I think it's too late because now I'm so far from her and I can't be with her as what I want. I just able to cry on my self, and hoping I can have more time to see her. I'm just able to pray that she is always OK, and be stronger tha before. The thing which I can do is just make sure that there is another person who want to take care on her, who want to see her eyes and look for a sadness in those eyes, and make her happy. I never see her happiness in her smile, her eyes, n' even her laugh n' don't know why does it so. Time runs fast and doesn't let me aware with any changes n her growth. When I wnt home, she has been different and also losse of a part of her happiness. And my regretting came late. And I only can give what she want from me, and do whatever she wants even if these all not enough to pay everything she feel for long long time without me.